Diane
I'm in love with the girl next door
She's the cashier at the convenience store
I'm gaining weight because I'm always there
Buying snacks so I can stand and stare
Diane
A gallon of Coke by the can
Diane
Will all this junk food make me your man?
When I see her, how my heart pounds
What would I do if she weren't around?
I can surely tell I wouldn't be so fat
'Cause all these Twinkies ain't where it's at
If I get the nerve to ask her for a date
When she gets off work it's always much too late
So I'm forced to stand at her register
And destroy my complexion for the sight of her
Fed Up
Too much talk and never any action
Raise a hand against the rival faction
They run the shops, they run the schools
They are the government they make up all the rules
Don't even try what's in your head
Don't lift a finger, wind up in jail or dead
I'm fed up with blind propriety
What's so great about society?
Look around and think of what you see
May be good for you, but not for me
What is that that they all are doing?
Seems so right, but it's you they're screwing
You have a choice: you can leave or take it
You see a law you hate: so go and break it
Don't even try, you'll lose out in the end
And worse than that, you'll probably lose your friends
Miss You
You don't come home 'til late at night
Turn on the radio and the light
I've got to get up days at 5
In the morning I'm barely alive
Then you come in ugly and nag
To see your face is such a drag
A dirty robe and a blackened eye
I tell you, "Shut up" and you cry
I never thought it would be like this
Trade my world for a single kiss
It's just uncontrolled avarice
So when you're gone I won't miss you
You take my car and all my pay
You're gone the entire day
You leave me and TV alone
And you never even phone
When we finally lay in bed
You're as much fun as someone dead
I can't make love to a torpid hunk
Of flesh, that's why I'm always drunk
It may be difficult to believe
The time has come for you to leave
So take your 'love' and pack your things
I just don't need the pain it brings
So now this mistake finally ends
We're better enemies than friends
You can finally have your way
And I'll never have to pay
New Thoughts
In general I have noticed
Originality is dead
You mouth is just a cesspool
For the shit inside your head
Have you any new thoughts that border on insane?
Or has by-the-book behavior solidified your brain?
You shoot a glance at me
And then over towards the doors
Can't stand another minute
With these living tape loop bores
I've been waiting here for hours
Tryin' just to leave
And the questions I've been hearin'
Are too cliche to believe (you wouldn't believe it)
Uhura, She's My Girl
To the bridge now, don't be late
We need you to communicate
Send a message to starfleet command
And tell them, baby, I'm your man
Uhura, she's my girl
How I love to hold her near
Uhura, she's my girl
On this 5 year mission in the final frontier
Hey Jim, can I borrow the keys
To the shuttlecraft tonight, please?
Thanks, Jim, I'll have her in by 10
In time to go on duty again
What's the matter, Spock, you don't understand
How a woman can love a man?
Chekov and Sulu, they both know
Scotty says, "She's gonna blow", Uh oh!
Beam me up Scotty!
Heart's ?
Here I sit in a comfy barroom
In a break from a life that don't include you
Can we be lovers, so far away
My heart says yes now, everyday (here we go!)
I know I took the hard line
I said there's better ways to spend all my time
I thought we'd be lovers, so far away
Now my heart has a question every day (here it is!)
A solution came to my mind
In a crowded life I ain't found none of your kind
So I need you baby, so far away
My heart says go but my head says stay (I heard that)
I'm fighting a battle 'tween me and you
But if i won, see, I'd be through
If you're the victor, then that's my end
I'm caught in the middle, my dear friend
Jockette
Give me 'little touch
And give me 'little feel
You're always out sweatin' on the soccer field
I love your little shorts
And I love your perfect tan
But your hair's too short, you look like a man
Jockette!
Maybe I could love you
But your c*nt smells like and old shoe
And when I want to nestle
You want to arm wrestle
Put down your ball
Put down your bat
Use some deodorant and stop at my flat
My bed is decorated
Like the Houston Astrodome
Just douche and leave all of your lezzie friends at home
Put down your ball
Put down your glove
Bring your team to my field and we'll all make love
What To Say
Well, you're sittin' in a bar mindin' your own b's
When a girl rubs against you with her boobs and her knees
and you don't know what to say.
You can see she's alone and you wanna take her home
Think you better ask for her name and phone'
Or she might think that you're gay.
Well you can't rub her leg and you can't just kiss
'What's a nice girl doin' in a place like this?'
'Hey what's your sign? I like your dress...'
Here's what to say if you wanna impress:
Havah Nagilah, etc.
Well..here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo
Allemande left, allemande right
C'mon ya f*ckin' dummy, get your left step right
Get off the stage, ya goddamn dude y'know...
Piss me off, f*ckin' jerk, get on my nerves...
Well she turns to you with a great big smile
Says, "Whatcha been doin' all this while?"
And, "You really know what to say."
She says, "I'm alone, do you wanna take me home?
Here's my name, my address and phone
Lets go for a roll in the hay."
Well you take her to your house and you push her on the bed
She begs you to give her just a little bit of head
Get down on your knees, fold your arms on your chest
You start singin' and you sing your best:
Folsom Prison Blues
Farm Rap